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Thread: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

  1. #1
    Fledgeling AngelVroni's Avatar
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    Victoria E.A
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    Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    (Nobody has to reply to this thread of they do not want to.)


    I've been having some really hard things going on with life right now and its hard to take on my own shoulders have not a soul to talk to. I sorta grew up in a small down in the middle of nowhere, where friends were a forever thing, now days friends are only til you tire of them, they tire of you, til either of you move or get too busy.

    Due to this I've been really desolated and deprived of a shoulder who wont take sides and just listen. Everybody is biased in one way or not but when you need it less and just an ear, people turn you in or turn away.

    So many emergencies of recent and a new development with a friend has me now in a state of mind I wish I was never in. Ever, and since it is not like me really and a huge tainted stain, it wont get me anywhere but dirty looks and cold shoulders with the sharp tongued folk.

    I wish I just learned to care for anybody but animals. I've lost so much through the years that it seems I am not worth the trouble of keeping around with friends. I've gotten the "shape up or ship out" talk by one friend I've known for about 9 years.

    I'm am torn, facing a demon within me that was never there and now is roaming free, its hard, I dont feel like I want it dead, nor do I want it to win this battle since it may end a lot for me in the wrong direction.

    Councilors by law in the states have to report if you plan on hurting yourself or others. I've had several do that already and my husband states thats what he has learned in his classes. *sigh* so where does that leave me?

    Finding a caring ear, somebody who would not judge you nor take it wrong and turn you in or walk away is hard these days, the society teaches us to turn and tell when in doubt. There are those out there who wish just for one day, one night, once in their lives they can speak their minds and not risk everything. Thats in a perfect world...

    *sigh* Why am I typing it here though? Perhaps hoping to mind a friend to talk to that will not jump on me for what I have to say? Or just of the audience, meaning its "heard" and this thread will die in a day or two?

    I dont know, I dont really know. Maybe because nobody here cares, its a bird forum, for the birds. Birds first... and always. Dont mind me, I'm not myself today, just lonely and forgotten by those I trusted once.

    ~Vic.

    ---

  2. #2
    Amorous Tailfeather
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    Why can your husband not be this for you?


  3. #3
    Fledgeling AngelVroni's Avatar
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    Victoria E.A
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    Because he knows this already and it depresses and aggravates him as well.

    ---

  4. #4
    Tailfeather
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    You had a friend...you criticized her life, her man, her baby shower...etc. To HAVE a friend you need to BE a friend.
    Means being there when she needs you...like what you are saying you want....not beating her down and criticizing her about every little thing in her life. She may not be perfect, her man may be a jerk, but it is her life.
    A friend is separate from that...a person to go to for kindness....honest opinions....like what you are asking for. You get back what you give.
    Last edited by ~Lori~; 06-30-2009 at 10:26 AM. Reason: spelling

    Surrounded by people who love life, you love it too;
    surrounded by people who don't, you don't.
    ~Mignon McLaughlin

  5. #5
    Fledgeling AngelVroni's Avatar
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    Victoria E.A
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    I have been for years supporting her. I had given up my grades to watch over, to the point her parents would ask if she would do the same things I was doing "I see you got a hair, cut, did Vic get one too?" Sorta of thing. I have given her kindness, and I did not come out and bluntly tell her that her man was a jerk or tell her at all how bad her life was. I did not.

    I told her I was concerned for living conditions, asked if she needed help with anything, asked if she needed assistance getting on any state aid, I offered to take them to ever job fair we had down here.
    I told her politely how I felt and what I knew about him without being a jerk. I have taken her everywhere we go when on vacation. I have been up long nights on the phone while she cried, I have been at her side when her parents fought in front of us when they were together.

    Where did I EVER say I was disrespectful, mean, cruel or otherwise NOT a friend? I went to the baby shower. I supported her even though I disagreed.

    In the ways of support, she only stood by to watch my dad try to commit suicide and didn't try to help or call 911 and hasn't been there for anything when I needed support, before or after him. I am not asking for it in return, but when you talk on who is a better a friend know the story first.
    I gave up my schooling when she was on meds, 4 anti depressants that caused her to:

    Scratch her wrist till she bled
    picked at her pace till it looked like pox
    Get constant bloody noses
    Sudden tantrums
    Rip her hair out in large wads
    Break out in cry in the street because people turned a corner
    Throw chairs
    Topple desks.
    Become paranoid.
    etc

    I was there, called on by teachers to take her out of the class and walk with her. When we got in there was only enough time for one of us to do the exams, tests and work. I helped her through it, didnt get a chance to get mine in and failed many that way.

    In what way am I not a friend?
    Last edited by AngelVroni; 06-29-2009 at 02:14 PM.

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  6. #6
    Bow chicka wow wow! I... Found a Mate Breadpazoid's Avatar
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    Well said Lori Ann.

    To gain sympathy and understanding (which it seems you want) you need to provide it. If you are not willing to provide a shoulder to lean on regardless of your friend's faults or issues, you may find your friends are not willing to provide it for you.

    Go seek counseling. If you're at risk of hurting yourself they are required to report it - but what are you afraid of? They cannot harm you, this system is in place to help you. And that requires addressing the issue (of your will to harm yourself).

    Once you are ready to face your own problems head on, you will be ready to get help. You NEED to own this, or it will own you.

    Mom to Ducky! (female cinnamon GCC)...THANK YOU Keet for the gorgeous sig!!
    Won't you come see me after 12am?

  7. #7
    Amorous Tailfeather
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    I agree you need to seek counseling. A person should not be to the point of hurting themselves just because they don't have any friends. Yes it's saddening, but it should not be this hard on you.

    I think a counselor will REALLY help you. Remember, we are bird people, not professionals.


  8. #8
    Fledgeling AngelVroni's Avatar
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    *sigh* Spot readers really... It's not about me hurting myself guys...

    The whole thread is now gonna be about me, suicide and me NOT being a friend. Thank you.

    Its not about suicide, not about not being a friend for her if anybody read post number three they would see that I have BEEN supporting her for about 9 years. Known her since 1999- 2000ish.

    I must be a really bad jerk to have done all that I guess. Perhaps next time I should be just the opposite, then perhaps its friendship?

    I could laugh with how people can turn a topic and start assuming and putting in fillers really. Why do I even try to reach out when it turns out the same?

    ---

  9. #9
    Tailfeather
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    I would NEVER come here and trash a friend. It is not our business, and frankly, a friend would not air a friends dirty laundry to people who don't even know her. Even if you don't say her name.
    Helping a friend is not done to get a reward, other than the satisfaction in your own heart that you are a good friend.
    I have helped a friend who took years to get her life together. I did not do it for my own ego, but because I loved her. She was not able to be a great friend to me(which as her friend I understood)...she had to much crap in her own life...but now she is great...and her smile is thanks enough.

    Surrounded by people who love life, you love it too;
    surrounded by people who don't, you don't.
    ~Mignon McLaughlin

  10. #10
    Bow chicka wow wow! I... Found a Mate Breadpazoid's Avatar
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    I'm really bad at pity parties. If you want people to completely ignore any involvement or implication you might have in your own situation, please preface your posts with that so we can be sure to help you play the victim.

    Remember, the internet is not all knowing, we only know what you have told us.

    Mom to Ducky! (female cinnamon GCC)...THANK YOU Keet for the gorgeous sig!!
    Won't you come see me after 12am?

  11. #11
    Amorous Tailfeather
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    Don't post here and complain when you get honest answers! Sorry but we aren't going to sit here and tell you what you wanna hear or say exactly what you want. We form opinions and tell them. If you didn't want to hear what we think you shouldn't be posting on a public forum!

    Like I said, you need to talk to a professional and we are not that.


  12. #12
    Tailfeather
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    Just a thought...
    Helping a friend does not mean running their lives, which by your posts about her, it seems you get to involved.
    Helping a friend means just listening, being there when they need to talk, not passing judgment, gently counseling if they are really spiraling out of control(and not getting upset if they don't take that well...most of us don't, but may reflect on it later), knowing when to step up...and step back.

    If you are constantly acting like you are SUCH a good friend, and she doesn't appreciate it, blah,blah,blah...well you are not the friend she needs. And you are not the type of friend you are asking for in your first post. You say:
    Finding a caring ear, somebody who would not judge you nor take it wrong and turn you in or walk away is hard these days,
    Well, by this and previous threads you wrote, I don't get the sense that you are that friend either. Again, you get back what you give out.

    Remember, you posted this, and this is my view on this. You asked.

    Surrounded by people who love life, you love it too;
    surrounded by people who don't, you don't.
    ~Mignon McLaughlin

  13. #13
    World Ruler in the making Chick Edd's Avatar
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    If I said "ah...Women" now think I'd be shot so I won't bother

    If you're looking for a friend who can listen, cry, agree with you yadayadyada then a public forum isn't the best place, go out, find an interest. a hobby; you'll meet people you like, people you hate, who knows but evidently if you haven't found those people the only way to solve your problem is create a broader horizon with which to search in. Unfortunately "birding" isn't really a social thing.

    But I'm not really sure why your Husband can't supply this? Unless you mean "mates" in that sense?



    Edd

  14. #14
    Fledgeling AngelVroni's Avatar
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    Edd he does, but it is not enough and my family has caused him some serious problems as well as its not fair to just put all the weight on ones shoulders. I've talked to him about this and other things for so long it only depresses and annoys him at times. That is why.

    I know I am writing everything poorly, but it doesnt matter since I didnt to my point and had to stupidly explode again over this forum. I've been looking for a job for about 9 years, havent found one yet and cant get simple food chains fast food places to respond. lol

    I would go out but I do not have any transportation to do so, I dont even get buss money. I've asked, I'm not family enough to get any from the parents, its a Chinese household and he comes before I do with them.

    Getting the husband out is hard because he an pessimist and not motivated easily. I've tried many things, its either a stupid fight or he ignores it...

    I've been looking for a hobby, trying the community classes, but parents refuse to pay for much. We're both looking for good classes, the two they allowed me to do were fun.

    ---

  15. #15
    Breeding
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    Re: Wish I had a friend. A best friend...

    Why can't you get a job?

    You said fast food places wont respond?

    what's the problem there? They'll hire pretty much anybody...

    but it is not enough and my family has caused him some serious problems as well as its not fair to just put all the weight on ones shoulders.
    bull****

    he's your husband. If he can't do this then find another man, preferably one with nuts bigger than nickles like this guy seems to have. A pessemistic momma's boy who feeds of his parents and ignores his 'wife'? really?

    Seriously... why are you going to his parents for money?
    why is he going to his parents for money?

    Unless he's part of the triads, GTFO of the parental realm and start your own life.

    who knows... we can only see one side of the story. I can't tell who's more the problem. Maybe you're perfect for eachother.

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