RIP, Tequila

[Wuv_Bird]

Even though it's been a while since it happened now... I still cannot even begin to describe how sick to my stomach I feel whenever I think about what happened.

Teq had the worst habit of dumping her food out. Of course, I always refilled the bowl (and I'd bent the hooks on the ring that holds the bowl, which prevented this problem for years until she figured out she could push the bowl up and out of the ring). Well, for a couple days in a row I had to go to school, then to work immediately after. Both days, she dumped her food bowl. Her cage has a grate at the bottom (otherwise she'll make a nest and lay eggs) so once the food is dumped she can't reach it.

Anyways... after those two little incidents, she'd lost a bit of weight. I guess when you're that small and your metabolism is that fast, it doesn't take much. She still seemed okay (I'd taken her to the vet once because she'd done the same thing for days in a row before, and lost some weight... they just told me she was fine and I need not worry). However, I had to go out of town to get some things sorted out for university the following day. So, I set about fixing her bowl so she'd stop dumping it.

I drilled holes through the sides, wired the bowl to the ring that holds it, and bent the hooks even further so even I'd have a heck of a time removing her dish. I then set the dish on the table, so she could have something to eat while I had her out for a while. Now, she's never had a big appetite and so she choose to goof around and play rather than eat. It was getting late and I had to get up early the next morning, so I put her away and went to sleep confident the bowl dumping fiasco was over...

When we came home the day after (at around 7 am, partly because we're nuts but mostly because I insisted on it as I didn't like leaving Teq too long given her weight loss), it occurred to me Tequila was being quiet. I heard none of the usual goofball noises she usually makes when she hears us come home. So, I run to her cage. The first thing I notice, is that her bowl is still sitting on the coffee table. The second... was Tequila, curled up on the floor of her cage. She starved to death because of me, because I was too stupid to remember to put the bowl back, because I didn't think to quickly check on her at 6 am before we left.

I've never felt so guilty in my life... nor do I think I'll ever manage to forgive myself.

[Leah]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

It really could have happened to anyone.

[sammit]

im so sorry. dont beat yourself up over it. its a mistake anyone could make. im sorry that you had to lose her in such a way...

[aracari1]

Several years ago we lost our first Senegal. I beat my head against the door for not taking him to the right vet. But, I sometimes think he had a degenerative disease that was uncurable.
Don't dwell on it, he is at peace and flying in the clouds.!

[boomer girl]

I am so sorry Sara and gosh what a awful accident. My heart aches for you, hugs to you.

Fly free Tequila, you were so very loved.

[joseNme]

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry! I can not imagine how heart broken you are. However, it was an accident. I know that will not make it easier on you, or help you deal with it. Just know that we are here for you. I am very sad to hear this, and can't imagine your pain.

Just remember that you did sooo much to adapt that bowl and such so that she could not dump it. That in itself shows how much you cared and worried about her. Things happen, and I agree it could have happened to anyone.

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I pray that you find forgiveness for yourself, and that you find the strength to overcome all the sadness and feelings you are dealing with. I also pray that you remember all the love, good memories, and enjoyment you two had together.

My heart and prayers are with you. Many hugs and well wishes, hun!

[McDenny]

Oh God, I am SO sorry! People make mistakes (I've forgotten to feed Tegan in the A.M. before). It's unfortunate that yours had more serious consequences. This has to be the hardest way to lose a pet.

I hope that, if anything, you find some comfort in admitting your mistake and owning up to it. That in itself takes a lot of strength. I am sure you will learn from this and it won't happen ever again, so please try not to beat yourself up over it too bad!

[sweeties mom]

I'm so sorry.

[SandraK]

I'm sorry for your loss too and the only thing I can say is that we all screw up at one time or another. We can only learn from our mistakes no matter how much it hurts.

I believe it was Simon Wiesenthal who said we must remember the past lest we be condemned to repeat it in the future.

[Wuv_Bird]

Thanks for the kind words everyone- I do appreciate it. It's been three months now, though I know I'll always hold some amount of guilt. At least I know she had a good five years, and was spoiled rotten through all of them.