RIP Oliver 07/11/2011

[callisto9]

I haven't been on this forum in ages, but I wanted to post about Oliver. I think about him all the time. He left our lives this summer.




These are the two pieces I wrote about him when he passed. I wanted to share this with the group, even though I'm never here any more, just as a reminder that our little fluffy friends are never forgotten. This was the worst pet bird death I've ever been though. It saddens me to think I've got five more to go. Oliver's ladyfriend, Mina, is currently near the end of her life, so I'll have to go through this all over again.

*****

I didn't think it would hurt this much. I didn't think it *could* hurt this much. Something so tiny left such a big hole in my heart and I am devastated today that you're gone.

You seemed to have chosen to spend your last hours with me, which although endearing, truly let me know something was wrong. You were always more likely to bite my lip than snuggle under my chin. But last night, there you lay, for hours, resting quietly. Each time I'd put you back in the cage, only for a moment, you seemed intent to get back out and back to your resting spot. Initially, you kept drinking water, but towards the end, you lost interest. I didn't think you'd make it to them morning and I was right.

I'd like to believe you didn't suffer until the very end, but I'll never know. I didn't want you to go, but when I knew you were in pain, I wished for a quick departure.

You brought us so much joy, so many smiles and so much laughter! I always smiled when I uncovered you in the morning and you greeted the day with an enthusiastic "Weeeeeeew!" You also seemed to enjoy bedtime, muttering all kinds of nonsense as I put the cover over your cage. You liked to stand on your food while you ate it and you became near ecstatic when you knew a cracker was coming your way.

We've never had another like you Oliver. Your antics and upbeat little personality never let us down. Every day seemed to be a joy for you as you skittered about your cage and wondered if you'd get a chance to mount Mina. I'll never forget you rubbing your little feathered face up against the cage (but you'd never let ME touch that face!) or you raising up slightly and running back and forth along your cage when you wanted to get a better view of something.

I keep crying and crying today. I know this much pain can only come from loving something so much. I am glad you're no longer suffering little friend. Fly free.

*****

I'm still hurting. A lot. It's all I can think about. Oliver's still in the house...awaiting his burial. I called the vet's today and found out that cremation for one tiny birdie is $95. So I am crocheting him a sleeping bag and Mike and I will bury him in the front yard.

I miss him so much. The remaining four parakeets are of no consolation to me whatsoever. I've never watched a bird die before. I think that's why this is so traumatic for me. I was with him for much of his decline and save for the last few seconds of life, I was with him for nearly five hours last night. Mike watched him pass on - I just couldn't. I couldn't watch him take his last breath, but from what Mike tells me, it seems that it was easier to see and hear than the sounds I'd heard coming from him earlier. During the last hour or so he started flapping about the cage as he lost use of his legs. I think he was becoming delirious. It was heart-wrenching. He made a few sad chirps and I went and took him in my hands. I felt so lost and didn't know what to do. I woke Mike up, as I was crying. I wanted Mike to be near... I just couldn't do this alone. All I wanted for Oliver was peace...in whatever form possible. I could not stand to see him suffer.

I held him close to my body and spent almost the entire evening with him on my shoulder or under my chin. It seemed that was the only place he wanted to be. Mike held him for awhile, too. Oliver seemed to take some comfort in having human contact and rested whenever he was near us. He didn't struggle. He didn't move. He didn't chirp.

I miss him so much and it's only day one. Not even 24 hours have passed since he left this world.

So these are my nine things I loved about Oliver...

1. His fluffy yellow face. Oliver had the sweetest face and it would poof up when he was excited. Birds don't smile in the technical sense, but I could always tell when he was happy.
2. His chatter. We had no idea what he was saying most of the time but we could make out "Beakybird...Beeee-birrrrd", "Hi Shirpy!", "C'mere!" and "Hi Ma-tay-er" among a lot of things we can only assume were attempts to imitate us. Or Mateo. He would often copy things Mateo had picked up, too, like my laughter. Also, the stuff he muttered before I covered him up at night always brought a smile to my face. I never got tired of listening to him. Never. The best times were when he'd be sitting on my shoulder...chattering away...
3. The way he used to rub his face against the bars of his cage. Despite being tame and semi-affectionate early on, Oliver turned into a little tyrant somewhere around years 1-2. He had a fierce bite and you never knew when it would happen. Though he remained tame his entire life, Oliver did NOT like to be touched. But, it was apparent that he liked a good self-given face rub every now and again and watching him do it was unbelievably cute.
4. They way he would stand on certain foods while he was eating them (ie: a cracker). Oliver was an enthusiastic eater and at times when eating human food, he'd stand on it while munching.
5. Oliver enjoyed being sprinkled with water, but when he'd had enough, he'd quickly fly away. He seemed to be a fussy bather. I tried taking him in the shower with me a few times and he did not seem to enjoy it.
6. His love of the ladies. Oliver became quite the ladies' bird, although I know Mina was his one true love (as evidenced by the sheer amount of times he tried to mount her). And the ladies loved to chase him. He'd take Chirpa if Mina wasn't feeling up to it, but only after intense chasing by her.
7. Just watching Oliver was always a treat. He was a very active bird and rarely sat still. He loved getting into plants he wasn't supposed to be near and enjoyed teasing Mateo repeatedly. I think Mateo's hatred of parakeets is directly related to Oliver's taunting. Oliver seemed to have a zest for life that my other keets do not.
8. The way he would run across the floor. When Oliver would run, his body would lift up a little bit. Mike and I always giggled when we saw him run across the livingroom floor or his cage floor.
9. As painful as it was, I loved our last night together. He didn't die alone and died surrounded by so much love. I will always wonder why he died and feel guilty for missing some of the warning signs, but I had nothing but love for that little ball of fluff.

[maxollie]

Erin, What a beautiful tribute to your precious little Oliver! It is very heartbreaking to lose a little budgie (keet), or any pet for that matter. One thing is for certain, all of those memories that you have tucked away in your heart of Oliver, and his "lady", his mannerisms, and his "love" for you and Mike, and for "life itself", will never disappear. I lost my little budgie, Maxi, in late October, and I truly can identify with you about the feelings you have. I also held my little Maxi through the night, never leaving him, and knowing that he would be leaving me to fly over the Rainbow Bridge. Like your little Oliver, Maxi wanted to be held and stay close to me through the entire time prior to his passing. And like you, I will always wonder if there was something that I fed him that might have caused him to die. He was five years old and never was sick at all up until the last 10 days of his life. I thought he had a respiratory infection and gave him medication. He was on the mend for a short while, but did a downturn and could not recover. I missed Maxi so much at Christmas Time, although I think of him every day. I also have so many precious memories of him. He truly was a unique and special bird like your little Oliver. I also have a cockatiel, and Maxi took on the ability to make chirps and sounds just like my tiel, so many times I wasn't sure which one was chattering. Maxi also was very talented when it came to flock calling me and my tiel! No matter where I would be in my home, Maxi would start the call and my tiel would follow. Like your Oliver he was a biter, and really didn't like much contact with hands. But he loved scritches and to be hugged through the cage bars at night when he would be ready for bed. From the pictures you have shared I must say little Oliver was "one handsome and special little budgie"! For Sure!

Fly High over the Rainbow Bridge, Oliver!! And rest in peace!

[callisto9]

Ellen, thanks for sharing your thoughts. It means a lot to me. I am sorry to hear about Maxi! Amazing how something so small steals your heart and can leave such a big hole. Maxi sounds wonderful and I'm sure you're glad you had five years together. I know I am grateful for the six I had with Oliver.

I did question myself for several days after. He didn't appear sick until the very, very end. The last day or two. I honestly believe nothing could have saved him, though I am very curious what he died from.

Here is how he spent most of his last night:


And here's his favorite past-time. I still laugh every time I watch it.

[boomer girl]

Erin your words about Oliver broke my heart. I sometimes wonder why we have to go through all the pain of losing of a loved bird but deep inside I know it is because we can handle it. Without pain we would not have loved them because to lose something so special and loved will always hurt your heart. Oliver knew something was badly wrong with him and he needed your comfort to help him pass over. I too couldnt be there in the final last breaths of boomers life, I just couldnt see him die so left him to be with my daughter and husband in the last minutes. Deep inside I knew the exact second he died because it was if his spirit came and comforted me by saying "I am free". I even smiled thinking he no longer had only any pain or fear because he was in a better place. I am happy you came to tell us about Oliver's passing because it does help you to heal to talk about it to people who understand your loss and feelings you had for your Oliver. Your last night with him was a hard one but your life with him was a great life, you loved him and he loved you and to me to have a bird love you is something special.

Fly Free Oliver.

[callisto9]

I should learn not to write/reply to this stuff at work. Here I sit with tears in my eyes.

I remember Boomer. It's funny, we're bird-sitting a lovie right now and she looks a lot like Boomer. I actually thought of him this week. I am reading your RIP thread for him and you said "he changed how I look at the world". That's how I feel about my birds, too.

I'll come back and post more later...too many tears at work...

Thank you for your words Deanna.

[maxollie]

Erin, Thank you for sharing the video of Oliver and your thoughts. I know it is very, very early in your mourning process for Oliver. Everyone grieves the loss of a pet (and or a person) at their own pace and in their own way, and it does help you tremendously to share your feelings. The video is "precious", and so is Oliver and his "lady". I do hope that one day you might decide to get a little baby budgie/keet once again. I know you have the other ones, but I truly feel it would make your heart less heavy if you could experience all of the excitement, and the feelings of having a "baby keet" again! Of course that is your own preference and decision. I love the sound of budgies singing and chirping and playing in my home, and when Maxi passed, I decided I just had to have another baby budgie. Even though I love my little Ollie, (the tiel), I missed having Maxi around, so I purchased the most precious little budgie who I named Muffin!! If you go to my albums you will see the pictures of Ollie and Muffin! Muffin is a very special little budgie, who I believe was bullied after he was hatched. I don't know if it happened in the aviary, or at the Pet Shop. He was soooo scared of everything in his environment and around him, it took quite along time for me to rehabilitate him. I got him on the 2nd of November and it took all of this time for him to be comfortable in my home. And now, he sings and chirps, plays with his toys, eats and eats, and is the sweetest little budgie ever. You take care, Erin!! Keeping you in my prayers!

[callisto9]

OK, now that I'm at home and it's not as silent, I can collect my thoughts. Mateo (my cockatiel) is chirping up a storm.

Deanne, your words are so sweet. I do believe Oliver's passing hurt so much *because* I loved him so much. Admittedly, he was our favorite keet of the five.

Mike (my boyfriend) told me the exact moment Oliver died and I did, too, feel a little relief. Amidst my tears, I knew his suffering was over.

I know I don't want another baby keet right now. We have a full house with four remaining parakeets (one is on her way out, sadly) and one very lovely cockatiel who needs our attention as he's clingy. LOL I know it's going to sound awful, but I'd really like my next keet to be a male. They are so much more entertaining than females.

I did check out Ollie and Muffin. Very cute. Of course I have a soft spot for keets and cockatiels. Thank you for taking Muffin in - what a wonderful home you've given him!

[mamajodi]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate to everything you wrote. It is so hard. Crocheting the bag was a great idea. Our vet gave us a "complimentary" bag that was velvet and said "Waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge". Since our winter has been mild we opted to bury Kiwi in our perennial garden. My loss is only days old and it hurts so much. They leave such a hole when they leave. Hugs to you.

[callisto9]

I'm so sorry to hear about Kiwi. I remember you from a few years back, too. As hard as his death was, it was after six happy years. The first few days were just so brutal. Hugs back to you, friend. Hopefully you have many memories and pictures. I really think taking video is so helpful, too. I'm grateful for all the pics and videos since they help me remember him just as he was. <3