Tailfeathers
Contact | Tour
where bird lovers gather
Bird InformationMessage BoardNetwork Home

 

Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

  1. #1
    Brand New Egg
    Name
    Renee Zhang
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Dear All,

    I'm a fairly new parrot owner. I have never had a parrot before. My husband got me a pineapple green cheek conure on Nov. 2nd. His coworker found the little bird in her yard and after putting up flyers in the neighbourhood and a long waiting, nobody came to claim the little guy/girl and she can't take care of a parrot, so my husband took him/her home since I have always wanted a bird. We didn't know anything about our little conure. But based on the naughty behaviour, I assumed it's a boy (I know it's not fair to make the assumption..). We named him Birdy.

    Since I'm a very new owner, so I have a lot of questions. Mostly about Birdy's behaviour. I lot of the advice I looked up online doesn't seem to apply to our situation. So it will probably turn into a very lengthy Birdy behaviour description. Please bear with me.

    Birdy very quickly became very friendly, cuddly and intimate with my husband. Not only is my husband the only person he doesn't bite, he is totally comfortable with my husband handling him however he wants to, such as petting, head scratching, snuggling, kissing, etc. But he is very aggressive with me and he hates my hands and fingers especially. Whenever my hand or finger is close, he is in crazy attack mode and it draws blood every time.

    I looked online and also watched a lot of YouTube video for advice, and I have some theories as to why he hates my hands and fingers so much: 1. when I first tried to get him to step up on my finger, he was reaching out to bite a little bit to test the stability of my hand/finger and I got scared and pulled away, it might have repeatedly given him the impression that my hand is not trustworthy; 2. when he bit my hand I also tried the advice of pushing gently into the bite and I might have hurt him or he might have seen that action as aggression; 3. he would keep biting me even when he was on my hand or arm, so I tried the twisting finger/hand/arm advice, it might have reinforced his belief that my finger/hand/arm is unstable. I think these might be the reason why he is in crazy attack mode whenever my finger/hand is close. He would also bite my face if I try to kiss him. And he would chase me away when he is in our bed with us or when he is on the floor with me. In the bed, he would try to chase me away by trying to bite me on wherever he can get a hold of, on the floor, he chases me away by trying to bite my feet.

    I also read and heard that a lot of parrots are one-person bird, meaning once they picked out their favourite person they will ignore or become very hostile to other people. So it could be that he just doesn't like me since he picked out my husband to be his favourite.

    He is super needy and clingy. But the weird thing is, he is totally OK being in the same room with me alone even when my husband walks away. We put his cage in the living room, and he likes hanging out on top of his cage where the food and water is, as long as he can see at least one of us. When me and my husband are both present, he would obviously choose my husband. And when we both walk away at the same time, he would choose to fly onto my husband's shoulder, not mine. But if my husband walked out of his sight, to my surprise, he won't follow my husband as long as I'm there with him. But as soon as I walked out of his sight too, he would immediately follow me and land on my shoulder. That's how clingy he is. But within 5 seconds, he will start biting my shoulder and neck, again it draws blood every time. My shoulders and neck are covered with little holes he dug with his little beak.

    Also whenever I'm in the same room with him alone, even if my husband is just in the bedroom (he knows how to fly to the bedroom), and I'm just in front of my computer minding my own business, he would keep flying on my shoulder and start biting me within 5 seconds. I keep carrying him back to the top of his cage, and he would keep flying back on my shoulder within 3 minutes. Sometimes he even refuses to go back to the top of his cage by grabbing my shoulder very tightly and biting it. I used my scarf to try to get him off once and I think I really scared him. I thought he would never come back to my shoulder again based on how scared he was, but he flew back to my shoulder within 5 minute...

    Another weird thing is that he would get very wordy with me. He can't say any human word but he would do bird talk, so whenever I say he talks to me, he just does his bird talk. He doesn't do that to my husband, I guess it might be that I talk to him a lot and I talk to him like he is a person. It started when I first stood in front of him, he was very close to my face, I told him I love him and what a cute and pretty bird he is, then he started to mumble at me. Whenever I say a word, he would mumble back. The second time is I put only fruit in his food bowl, he looked into his bowl, took a bite, and walked down to his little ladder, walked up to my face, and start talking to me. This time it's louder than a mumble. More like a normal conversation. He would say something back right after I say something. I guess he is either a little mad at me for switching his food to fruit or he is trying to ask me what that is... Now he would just walk up to my face and start talking to me whenever I stood in front of his cage and he would try to talk over me occasionally.

    Also sometimes, when he can't see me, he would start testing if I'm there by making a certain call like a finger snapping sound, and I would respond by imitating the same sound, and we would go back and forth for a minute or two until I show up in front of him. Just the day before yesterday, he started testing me with the finger snapping sound outside the bathroom door, because he knew I was in there since he followed me over, but I kept him out. And then he started trying all sorts of different calls just to see which one I can imitate. After I imitate one call, he would immediately try another call. To be honest, I'm not sure which one of us had more fun...

    He usually looks very relaxed when he talks to me since his feather would puff up a little, he would yawn, his eyes would get very sleepy and he would even start preening himself sometimes while talking to me back and forth. Even when he get a little more serious when he talks to me, he doesn't look nervous or stressed out.

    I thought about start taming him to be more friendly with me, especially to eliminate the biting. But I couldn't figure out a good reward since he is very stubborn and would not eat other food except for certain kinds of seeds. I know this since I'm the one feeding him. His favourite is safflower seeds and dried fruits. He would dump the dried fruit in the water. Since he doesn't like chunks, even very small chunks, I usually cut his dried fruit from the size of a fingernail into very tiny pieces. His second favourite is millet. He would throw the pellets out of his bowl and ignore other things in there. He doesn't even like any nuts or hulled sunflower seeds. He refuses to eat any fruits or vegetables, unless I eat in front of him. It can be literally the same piece of fruit, if I put it in his bowl, he won't touch it, but if I'm eating it, he would try to snatch it from me. So to get him to eat a little fruit and veggie, I would eat in front of him, leave some for him and then let him eat the rest off my plate. I know it's probably not a good habit, but it's the only way so far.

    So I can't use any treat to train or tame him so far since the only food he is interested in is his main food source. Another big problem with using treat to tame him is that he would not eat off my finger. Whenever I try to feed him something he like with my finger, even his favourite dried fruit, he would only focus on biting my finger and totally ignore his favourite food. He would even bite my husband if he tries to feed him with his hand or finger. And even when I let him eat fruit off my plate, he would spend half of the time biting the plate and sometimes the fork.

    He doesn't like any toys either. We never plays with the toys we bought him. It seems that he is not interested in anything but his favourite food and my husband's attention.

    Some other problems include:
    • He hates being inside his cage. He screams every time he is in there and he can't wait to get out (my husband and I have regular full-time jobs, so he would be in the cage from 6:30 am to 4:00 pm during weekdays). Whenever I open the door of his cage, he jumps out onto his door. But if I try to help him get out, he would bite me.
    • He hates noise. He would cream at what he thinks is the source of the noise. He also screams at the pantry and the wall behind his cage a lot.
    • He loves staying on top of our fridge, it might be because it is high up and bright up there.
    • He loves the mirror in the shower, but he would keep smashing his beak on there. He is scared of the toy mirror I got him.
    • He bobs his head up and down a lot.
    • His eye color makes it really hard to tell if he is pinning his eyes sometimes. So it makes a little harder to read if he is actually happy sometimes. I heard eye pinning can mean they are happy.


    Forgive me for this lengthy conure behaviour description (as I suspected this will turn into, sorry about that). Like I mentioned in the beginning, most of the information and advice I looked up online and youtube doesn't really apply to our Birdy. First I really want to understand why he does those things and I would also really like to get some advice specific to his unique behaviours. I love him so much. So if I have hurt him in any way, I would like to know and get some advice on how to rebuild our relationship to a positive one. To be honest, even if he never loves me the same way he loves my husband, I would love him just as much. But more importantly, I want him to be happy. Since my husband can't always spend time with him and give him the attention he wants, so if he can warm up to me without biting me or hating me, he would have another person who can give him lots of attention. I think it would really make him even happier.

    Well I think that's all for now. Thank you very much for your patience. And I really appreciate any help and advice.

  2. #2
    Tailfeather boomer girl's Avatar
    Name
    Deanna
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Colfax, California
    Posts
    15,788
    Thanks
    31
    Thanked 651 Times in 647 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Hi Renee, Welcome to the forum. My daughter has a Pineapple Conure who is somewhat like your Birdy which makes me think Conures are devoted to one person, or one sex and just tolerate the other people. Tikki my daughters Conure loves my daughter and tolerates her boyfriend. Tikki will do anything for treats. His favorite treat is a safflower seed and then the tiny all black sunflower seed. He will fly to you if you hold one up. They have a small canvas bag on top of his cage of these treats and if you touch it he fly's right to you for a treat. He spins, dances and kisses for treats. If its not my daughter giving him the treats he sometimes does the tricks then eats the treat and then bites you. Just like Birdy his bites are hard and draws blood. Tikki goes through hormonal times and when he is hormonal only my daughter can touch him. He literally fly's and attacks her poor boyfriend when he is hormonal. It can last up to a month.

    I think you are doing great and I think Birdy loves you but treats you as just part of the flock and not as his mate, your husband is his mate. All you can do is keep on doing what your doing but when he bites you need to put him in his cage and keep him there. Bites deserve a timeout and be sure to tell him he is a bad Birdy. Birds are smart and will know why they are being caged. Tikki gets all day timeouts sometimes if he cannot control his bites. He loves his cage and is happy in it and some days I think they need to stay there. I have been around Tikki when he is angry and he really does attack you with so much anger it shocks you. He gets hormonal and can't control his rage.

    Tikki loves bathes and takes showers with my daughters boyfriend. They make shower perches or Tikki just loves sitting on a little shelf in the shower or on top of the door. He sometimes flies down to get wet and sometimes just sits there talking and squawking.

    I have no doubt that Birdy loves you but its not the love that he has for your husband. My lovebird loved my daughter with all his heart and me and my husband were his flockmates. He would bite us like crazy but also wanted to be with us. In the evenings when he got tired he flew to me and sat on my chest. I put my hand over his body and scratched his cheek. His body purred and he would fall asleep under my hand. It was his nightly bedtime routine and I loved it. It was the only time he truly loved me and I loved it. Birds are such unique little souls and only they really know why they do what they do and why.
    Fly Free Boomer, we will forever love you.

  3. #3
    Tailfeather maxollie's Avatar
    Name
    Ellen
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    USA Midwest
    Posts
    9,305
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 1,024 Times in 1,023 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Hi, Rene, and welcome to the community. I do not have any experience in homing conures, so will leave others to post their thoughts. Deanna gave you excellent information. She has been around birds for a very long time. Good luck in your training endeavors.
    [/COLOR] I'm owned by my two sweet budgies, Muffin and Marlee.

  4. #4
    Brand New Egg
    Name
    Renee Zhang
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Dear Deanna,

    Thank you soooo much for your reply. It is so informative. It all makes so much sense to me now. After learning about Tikki, I realize that I have such a long way to go. I'm trying to convert Birdy's diet now so that he can be healthier and we can also start using the safflower seeds just as a special treat to get Birdy to be more friendly to me.

    To be honest, I have very high standards when it comes to taking care of pets. So I sometimes get frustrated when all Birdy wants is to be with my husband and he can't give him enough attention. For example, Birdie's favorite thing is getting a head scratch from my husband, but his head scratch is kinda lame I would LOVE to give him a much better one for as long as he wants, but he won't even let me touch him

    I have been feeding wild birds for 3 years, I guess it is pretty different from actually owning a pet bird. and what's not helpful at all is that my husband just took Birdie home without any preparation and prior knowledge on parrots. It's not his fault since I constantly mention that I miss having birds around and nobody would be willing to take care of Birdie. Although I really appreciate him taking Birdie home and I have been so happy to have Birdie around, I have also been freaking out a little bit at the same time.


    Anyway, there is so much to learn about these amazing little creatures. And I really, really appreciate your kind reply. I'm so grateful that there are so many supportive bird lovers I hope one day, Birdy can fall asleep in my hand or on my chest too.

  5. #5
    Brand New Egg
    Name
    Renee Zhang
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Quote Originally Posted by boomer girl View Post
    Hi Renee, Welcome to the forum. My daughter has a Pineapple Conure who is somewhat like your Birdy which makes me think Conures are devoted to one person, or one sex and just tolerate the other people. Tikki my daughters Conure loves my daughter and tolerates her boyfriend. Tikki will do anything for treats. His favorite treat is a safflower seed and then the tiny all black sunflower seed. He will fly to you if you hold one up. They have a small canvas bag on top of his cage of these treats and if you touch it he fly's right to you for a treat. He spins, dances and kisses for treats. If its not my daughter giving him the treats he sometimes does the tricks then eats the treat and then bites you. Just like Birdy his bites are hard and draws blood. Tikki goes through hormonal times and when he is hormonal only my daughter can touch him. He literally fly's and attacks her poor boyfriend when he is hormonal. It can last up to a month.

    I think you are doing great and I think Birdy loves you but treats you as just part of the flock and not as his mate, your husband is his mate. All you can do is keep on doing what your doing but when he bites you need to put him in his cage and keep him there. Bites deserve a timeout and be sure to tell him he is a bad Birdy. Birds are smart and will know why they are being caged. Tikki gets all day timeouts sometimes if he cannot control his bites. He loves his cage and is happy in it and some days I think they need to stay there. I have been around Tikki when he is angry and he really does attack you with so much anger it shocks you. He gets hormonal and can't control his rage.

    Tikki loves bathes and takes showers with my daughters boyfriend. They make shower perches or Tikki just loves sitting on a little shelf in the shower or on top of the door. He sometimes flies down to get wet and sometimes just sits there talking and squawking.

    I have no doubt that Birdy loves you but its not the love that he has for your husband. My lovebird loved my daughter with all his heart and me and my husband were his flockmates. He would bite us like crazy but also wanted to be with us. In the evenings when he got tired he flew to me and sat on my chest. I put my hand over his body and scratched his cheek. His body purred and he would fall asleep under my hand. It was his nightly bedtime routine and I loved it. It was the only time he truly loved me and I loved it. Birds are such unique little souls and only they really know why they do what they do and why.
    Dear Deanna,

    Thank you soooo much for your reply. It is so informative. It all makes so much sense to me now. After learning about Tikki, I realize that I have such a long way to go. I'm trying to convert Birdy's diet now so that he can be healthier and we can also start using the safflower seeds just as a special treat to get Birdy to be more friendly to me.

    To be honest, I have very high standards when it comes to taking care of pets. So I sometimes get frustrated when all Birdy wants is to be with my husband and he can't give him enough attention. For example, Birdie's favorite thing is getting a head scratch from my husband, but his head scratch is kinda lame I would LOVE to give him a much better one for as long as he wants, but he won't even let me touch him

    I have been feeding wild birds for 3 years, I guess it is pretty different from actually owning a pet bird. and what's not helpful at all is that my husband just took Birdie home without any preparation and prior knowledge on parrots. It's not his fault since I constantly mention that I miss having birds around and nobody would be willing to take care of Birdie. Although I really appreciate him taking Birdie home and I have been so happy to have Birdie around, I have also been freaking out a little bit at the same time.


    Anyway, there is so much to learn about these amazing little creatures. And I really, really appreciate your kind reply. I'm so grateful that there are so many supportive bird lovers I hope one day, Birdy can fall asleep in my hand or on my chest too.

  6. #6
    Brand New Egg
    Name
    Renee Zhang
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Quote Originally Posted by maxollie View Post
    Hi, Rene, and welcome to the community. I do not have any experience in homing conures, so will leave others to post their thoughts. Deanna gave you excellent information. She has been around birds for a very long time. Good luck in your training endeavors.
    Thank you, Ellen! I really appreciate Deanna's reply and your support! I'm just really happy that I reached out for help here at Tailfeathers. I'm grateful that there are many supportive bird lovers around and always willing to help!

    Thanks!

  7. #7
    Tailfeather maxollie's Avatar
    Name
    Ellen
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    USA Midwest
    Posts
    9,305
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 1,024 Times in 1,023 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Time and patience are always on your side, no matter which species of parrot one might choose. Take one day at a time with Birdy!!! It is quite early in building the friendship. They do change behaviors, sometimes every day. I admire you for bringing Birdy into your home!! Birds are special little creatures, and over the years, they have taught me many lessons. Happy Holidays to you all and to Birdy!!
    [/COLOR] I'm owned by my two sweet budgies, Muffin and Marlee.

  8. #8
    Brand New Egg
    Name
    Renee Zhang
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Hi Ellen,

    It's been a while. Thank you so much for being supportive. You are absolutely right. Time and patience are the key. Me and Birdy's relationship has changed so much since then. It took a while, a very long time, but it did happen. I would cover myself up and take Birdy with me all the time, whatever I do, slowly he begin to let me pet him and give him a head scratch. Now he asks for head scratches from me all the time. He won't leave my side. My husband is still his favorite person, but he is so happy with me too. He would also happily step up on my finger without biting it. He still bites me, but most of the time it doesn't really hurt, he knows not to bite too hard like before. I'm so happy now.

    Thanks again!

  9. #9
    Brand New Egg
    Name
    Renee Zhang
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Hi Deanna,

    I know it's been a while, but thank you so much for your story with your birds back then. Me and Birdy's relationship has changed so much since then. It took a while, a very long time, but it did happen. I would cover myself up and take Birdy with me all the time, whatever I do, slowly he begin to let me pet him and give him a head scratch. Now he asks for head scratches from me all the time. He won't leave my side. My husband is still his favorite person, but he is so happy with me too. He would also happily step up on my finger without biting it. He still bites me, but most of the time it doesn't really hurt, he knows not to bite too hard like before. I'm so happy now.

    Thank you again! I really appreciate the support!

  10. #10
    Tailfeather maxollie's Avatar
    Name
    Ellen
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    USA Midwest
    Posts
    9,305
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 1,024 Times in 1,023 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    Hi' Renee! I am so happy to hear that Birdy has settled, and is now your very best friend. It takes both of you to make the journey special, so congrats on the success you have accomplished. We will welcome your updates anytime!
    [/COLOR] I'm owned by my two sweet budgies, Muffin and Marlee.

  11. #11
    Tailfeather boomer girl's Avatar
    Name
    Deanna
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Colfax, California
    Posts
    15,788
    Thanks
    31
    Thanked 651 Times in 647 Posts

    Re: Help!!! My bird loves my husband but hates me

    I am so happy for you and birdy that you are now good friends. Tikki is still a buttbird to me if I try to pet him but he does love to sit on my shoulder. I only see him a few times a week and overnight stays when my daughter takes off somewhere. Conures are such sweet funny birds. Plus his smooch kiss noise melts my heart when he does it when he hears me.
    Fly Free Boomer, we will forever love you.

Remove Ads

Similar Threads

  1. Markie hates my husband???
    By Maryacr in forum Lovebirds
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 05-06-2008, 06:22 PM
  2. My bird really, truly hates me...
    By bean in forum Cockatiel Care, Feeding, Dangers, Health
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-15-2007, 10:50 AM
  3. My husband handles a bird 1st time in his life!
    By Bill the Crocodile in forum Other Parrots
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 06-12-2006, 07:38 AM
  4. Husband wants a Love Bird
    By WolfRyder in forum Lovebirds
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-14-2005, 08:23 AM
  5. The Bird Hates Me
    By DizzyDezzy in forum Other Cockatiel Topics
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 11-22-2003, 01:29 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Message BoardNetwork Home